Had I the gift of singing I would sing the most beautiful song for u baby or if I could draw like you I’d draw for u..but I being the good for nothing clumsy bear I am, only could put together words for u and I hope it will make you happy.

Many many happy returns of the day chaos..you are my life..and my happiness is the only gift I can give u cause I know u wouldn’t want anything as much..and few poor words I put together for you…

I love you..

Sleepless nights were few

And growing still fewer

Days in their liue 

Were getting terribly slower,

But the light had strange hue

Only hope could deliver.

Only if you knew

My bright morning flower.

The joy that is in drops of dew

Or bright April showers 

All of which I believe

Are parts of you for me to discover.

The morning sun is your due

My Star-Crossed lover

The gifts the mornings give 

Will be for now and forever

Among the falling leaves 

Under the leafy Bowers

Under nones inquisitive view

Into the wide rivers

Beyond the point of retrieve

I’ll be your solemn follower

I’ll hold you, I vow

If I see you shiver..


As the clouds gather

we had met again
in the fields of wild flowers,
the woods of green..
with day and night hiding us inbetween

we had picked up dirt,
you were always so alert.
somewhere along the line,
you had passed nineteen.
I had grown gaunt and lean

we had looked back
suspiciously at first
at the winding dusty streets
it looked then like a jest,
now like an old pal who seemed to greet..

..for our paths lay parallel
for a little time, a few miles.
and we could always tell
cause we had always styled
ourselves after a certain fashion.

I think now we had a certain itch
only this love could scratch
you held me still when I violently twitched
your tiny arms for me to latch
onto when my legs would glitch.

we could never know
what lies before
what life has for us in store
except that our paths would part
making for a new start

when it is time my sweet love
let those perfectly alligned stars above
be your eternal guide
like a soaring bird, free and wild
let your soul glide..

…over barren fields in the dark
or through hells searing fires.
or when the nights cast stark
faces of ghosts in ragged attires.
I’ll be your strength when you tire..

cause what one may have lost
is found in another
and when we need it the most
we’ll be together
and we will smile when the clouds gather..

P.s – below words are from a song which came to my mind right after I finished writing this poem..I never hoped to write again chaos..look what you have done to me. 😀 my sweet love.

Please do not feel empty..

I  will never leave you

and when we are gone from this place

we will be together..


up above the darkness
where stars so perfectly align
far below the coldness
to which dead peacefully resign

and skies are starlit
by the fire in your eyes
where air splits
by the power in your sighs

like a band of thieves
the lone moments we steal
fleeing next moment
with the world at our heels

the moments we steal
are ours to keep
the hunters at our heels
are dark hours to sleep

or morning hours
to put hastily aside
or noon or evening
hours to impatiently bide

and when at midnight
as I tuck you in
it’s then in that dim light
I hold you within

and to tell you what’s “within”
I’ve no words my sweet
only it’s more than wind whispers
or birds chitter and tweet

you live among the sloping
lands of pine
of winding streets
of tall turpantine

you speak in forgotten tongues
the angels sing
and wake me with morning sun among
the dead and dying


P.s – Chaos, thank you for all the life you have given me, these words are a humble tribute to all you have done for me. I love you.

this poem is not quite complete..I couldn’t figure out how to end it.

The promise of the night..

Peak over the clouds, rays and hues,
thru the morning breeze
the ripple of the rivers and seas

simulated azure, devoid of cloud white
overwhelmingly blue
burns just a shade too bright..

..For my eyes, my ears
happy birds filling with chirp
yet, I still leer..

..at the reflecting rivers, reflecting seas
,bathing grass blades..
I do miss the shade

Angry child’s drifting tears, fake cheers
I prick up my ears
to the drone of the twilight..

..making way for her to come
her musical hum, my hearts strum
and the promise of the night

I welcome her, draping dark cloth
, covering me with glory and grace
not with the after taste of the day

I lie content,
neither asleep nor awake
basking in the love we make

Happy are the dead folks..

manic mornings and bloody wrists
should not get me so far
in the sunshine and in the mist
shines the same my dear scar

and in the midst of all the fallings
shall my heart find a way to revoke,
to withdraw itself from all beatings
for I know how happy are the dead folks

when I’m gone and happy in decay
you will know that I’ve found a way
a way out of all this madness
and I shall not linger another day

Broken limbs and torn entrails
shall welcome my happy days
and my parting sadness must unveil
a bleeding nose and a blackening face

Remember my face from the night before
and excuse the bloody mess I’ve made
and all my blood and all my gore
shall, My darling, find you unafraid

some more crappy poetry for suicide..

at the worlds last resort,
unearthly, the eternal shore
as I laid, I said to myself
I’ve been here before

upon my feet, with so much effort
I turned my back against the world
and looked below, as I looked below
I took a leap and then I felt no more

all the faces smiled and melt
all the faces that I knew and that I know
all the faces smiled and melt
as they have never done before

I checked my heart as I took it apart,
I checked my heart that I felt a second ago
it beat for another,and a beat so slow
and then I loved no more

horizon uncovered a great white light
and then a sun shone before the shore
a sun that never had shone before
and in that light I adored my woe

under a benign sun, in my last repose
I held in my hand, the heart I once bore
and then I smiled for the joy and woe..
I smiled, as I am to bear it no more

The Kiss

While my eyes slept quietly
fragile thoughts wept softly
I smiled for nothing
and knew that I loved my enemy..

she stood there beside me
motionless and stared vacantly
parted lips while she whispered
made no sense to me

her cold bare arms held me
though her frozen breath took away my clarity
in her icy grasp I knew,
that I knew peace

as the rays of moon hugged her skin
she let her robe rest beside her feet
for a bittersweet taste of sin
I knew I’d thread my sanity..

with her pale lips she kissed me
in a state of trance id fallen asleep
as life escaped from my heart
I’d kissed my enemy

I Became A Spark Within Dying Ashes

every road leads to somewhere
but i was lost out in nowhere
lost all my courage to dare
find a way out of this nightmare

every breath we take
let life flourish and wake
but i was made to choke
wonder what it does bode

i felt the emptiness so cold
seeping from holes in my soul
my broken heart now feel so old
wonder will it take a heavy toll

once i burnt bright from within
now i writhe in my dying ashes

yet . . . .

yet from deep within i do feel
i have not yet lost my zeal
when i take a deep breath
a spark feels bright from within

hidden among the ashes of decay
flickers in reminiscence of glory days
feel i can make this spark burn for real
a sense of hope and desire so surreal

with desire to become one with what is mine
i became a spark within these dying ashes


in a fairy tale, hid behind a silvery veil
dwelt a flower, and a wrist on a nail
and she tried to pull it out, not to hang about
before she was too pale
and she tried to pull it out, how she tried to pull it out
oh but to no avail

beyond the dreamland, on her silvery throne
stuck to it with rusty nails and glue
on her silvery throne,which only grew thorns
they sat my darling shanu..
and only her heart was free from thorns
the crimson heart of shanu..

laid beneath her feet, which always was my seat
where tears and woe bid adieu
I’d fallen asleep, fallen endlessly deep
but there I was fine and she was too
now they say, i form a grave, she; an angelic statue
a grave and its statue, me and my shanu..

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